Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Guilt Trip & Comment Queries

Lately I've been feeling extra heavy. Not from all the Halloween candy (although I may or may not have put on 18 pounds thanks to the bags of Nerds which mysteriously disappeared) but from the extra burlap sack I'm lugging around on my back every day. What's in it? Guilt.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not thief or a murderer, and as far as I know I haven't done anything to truly feel guilty about. So why am I carrying around all this extra....crap?!

Worst vacation ever.

Little things tend to build up with me. I go on and one ignoring them until they overwhelm me. Lately I've been dealing with some guilt over a lot of small things, but altogether are just too much for me to handle. So I'm using this post to address each thing I feel guilty about - and figuring it out. Right here, right now. Read on at your own risk!

Guilt Trip #1: The marathon is in 10 days. I haven't worked hard enough.
Resolution: Breathe! It's true that I haven't done EVERY workout at 100%. But I have put in plenty of effort for months, and now is time to reap the rewards. I just read through the last few months of my training plan. It's in there, black and white. Feeling guilty won't make me run faster in 2 weeks!

Guilt Trip #2: Work. I work from home, and don't always have the discipline to do as much work as I know I should.
Resolution: Again, there's no point in feeling guilty. As of today, I wrote myself a little schedule to try to keep me on track and help me to be as efficient as possible. But again - I'm not Super Woman! No need to feel guilt when I end the day a little early every once in a while.

Not Super Woman. But I am a vaguely French assassin.


Guilt Trip #3: Neglecting time with hubby.
Resolution: You might think that since we're both at home for most of the day we're sick of each other, but it's not the case. (Right, hubby? Please say you're not sick of me. Otherwise this could be awkward.) But I spend a lot of the day glued to my computer working in a room with the door closed, and then running, blogging, baking, etc. I want to carve out some time every day - 30 minutes - without any distractions just for us!



Guilt Trip #4: Staying in touch with family and friends.
Resolution: I don't have time to call or email every person straight away, and I shouldn't feel guilty for that. BUT - I can spend some time, maybe each weekend, where I catch up and have a chat with some people around the world who mean a lot to me.

Guilt Trip #5: Blog Commenting. I don't always have time to comment (or return comments) on everyone's blog each day.
Resolution: SO WHAT? From what I know of your lives, you...well, you have lives. So your day probably won't be ruined if you don't get a comment from me at the end of your post. This realization may have just shocked me. That's it - no more guilt!

I feel lighter already. Thanks for reading that entire mental process. Just be glad I didn't go into more detail. Wait - you don't want to know what hubby and I plan to do in that 30 minutes each day? Well, first....

I kid, I kid!

Anyone else want to offer up something they feel guilty about - and how they can STOP feeling guilt? I promise, you'll feel better!

Ok-the truth. Are comments only there to be reciprocated?
I'll be honest. I read plenty of blogs where I don't leave comments. Often, I don't have anything helpful to add to the conversation. Other times, I'm in a rush. But I don't see it as "you leave me a comment, I leave you a comment." Is that how it works? Am I missing something?

52 comments:

  1. I know what you mean about all the little things adding up. It seems I handle the big situations much better than the smaller ones. Sometimes you just have to step back and let some things go.

    Don't let the comment thing bug you, I read million blogs and comment only when I feel I have something to sat, and hardly anyone readsy blog, no biggie... And your comments do make my day!

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  2. Oh guilt. I really hate guilt.

    Right now it is that I'm not always doing my school work even though right now I have the time. But you know what? I just finished 2 weeks of really intense classes ad I'm sick of thinking! I know that I'll crack the whip soon and it isn't like I'm not at least doing a little bit of work every day...so no more guilt.

    As for the comments- I don't comment just to get comments. I usually comment when I have something to say. That being said, I've commented BECAUSE someone has left me a comment and I wanted to let them know that I'm reading their blog even though I don't always comment. :)

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  3. I know some bloggers who ONLY comment if I comment on their blogs and that drives me nuts. I don't comment so you'll comment back. Sometimes I make a point to comment if no one else has so that the blogger knows that it was read and someone liked it. I try to comment a lot - solely because comments make MY day and I want to return that feeling. But don't worry about it....do what you can...no one can do more than that.

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  4. oh man, I am SO bad to guilt trip myself over this kind of stuff. Over schoolwork, mostly. No matter how much I get done in a day, there is seriously an endless workload, and there is always more I COULD have done, so I beat myself up over it. In addition to school, I guilt trip myself over neglecting time with friends (in favor of schoolwork), over things with the boyfriend, over health and fitness, and pretty much every other little aspect of life.

    Obviously, it's definitely something I need to work on :P But really, you have accomplished a TON. I mean, you trained for a marathon while building a house. I couldn't do that!

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  5. I get so tired of that "comment game." I feel like, if I don't LOVE you or really care about/can't relate to what you wrote, I won't leave a comment. So, if I ever don't leave you a comment, it's because you wrote about marathon training and I can't relate, or something like that. Never the former. : ) Glad you got all that off your chest! ha

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  6. This is SUCH a good post - you nailed it :) First, you've done the work and are more than ready for your marathon! Second, even people who go to an office end up on blogs, Facebook, or personal email. Third (and applicable to guilt #4), everyone wishes they had more time with someone or more time to keep in touch with those they care about the most. Finally, most of the time I end up commenting on a blog - you've already done so :) Don't beat yourself up, most of us are not full-time bloggers and blogs are there to be read first and foremost, not created in an effort to get comments and feel loved. Enjoy your taper - you're ready!

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  7. I comment on popular blogs only when I have something to say. I will comment a lot if I know that the writer doesn't have many followers and comment basically to say "hey, I am reading your blog so don't stop writing!" :)

    I know how awesome it feels to get a comment (and I really don't get many), so I try to pay it forward.

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  8. Don't wear guilt. It doesn't look good on you!

    :)

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  9. Um, you seem to have reached into my head and pulled out every one of these bullet points when you wrote this post.

    Some days these things really start to get to me; other days I'm too busy to dwell on them. Most days I think that I need to figure out how to slow down the pace of life a little bit so that I can knock some of these things off the guilt-list.

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  10. And, by the way, when I said you "nailed it" in my earlier comment, I meant you nailed guilts we all have! I think it shows heart :)

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  11. Oh wow. This is a page right out of the Book of Pam. You know that post I just put up in which I mentioned my insomnia? Yeah. That is a direct result of guilt 99% of the time. And it's always over the most ridiculous things. Last night I actually laid in bed thinking about my dog Lucy that died over two years ago, feeling guilty about things that I did when she was here... such as boarding her a lot of weekends during my single days so I could do my thing and not have to worry about getting home in time to let the dog out ... see??? Ridiculous. That was back in 2005 and all of a sudden THAT pops in my head at 1:00 am? I have serious guilt issues.

    Now about the commenting... I don't always comment either. A lot of time when I'm reading posts, it's from the Reader app on my phone while I'm at work (shhhhh... don't tell anybody!), and that's not exactly the most convenient way to comment, so often I just don't. But even when I do, I don't expect reciprocation. I do try to make sure that I comment on my most favorite ones fairly regularly, though, just so you know I love you! :) I've always said Blogger needs a "like" button like Facebook. haha One blog I follow had a running joke a while back about leaving an "X" in the comments on the occasions that you read a post and enjoy it and want to convey that to the author but have nothing clever or meaningful to comment. I think maybe she was on to something... hahaha

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  12. I try my best to leave comments as often as possible, but when you're busy, you're busy! People understand!

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  13. The guilt thing? I feel that endlessly - but I am sure that is my genetic background.

    Is guilt usefull? No.

    Do I leave blog comments if I don't mean them? No.

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  14. I used to try to comment everywhere, all the time, but these days I comment when I, like you said, have something to add to the conversation. Or someone did something awesome.

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  15. damn girl... glad you got all that off your chest so you can mooooove on!!!! so not worth it to sweat those sort of things (trust me, i'm totally talking in theory, i'm such a worry-wart.) YOU WILL ROCK YOUR MARATHON!! it's so close.. i can't wait to hear all about!! trust your training. and i never comment as much as i want to on blogs!!! i have a lot of blogs that i read, but don't comment on. and if i don't have anything to say, i don't comment. but mostly, i read posts from iphone way too much and it's too hard to comment then. or when i get overwhelmed by my google reader count, i just *gasp* mark all as read and just let it go. too many awesome runners to keep up with. and me and my hubs have def been ignoring each other for electronics this week. last friday i declared unplugged and we both stayed off completely. it was nice. wow this comment got long.

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  16. I try to comment when I have something of value to add. It's easier for me when the writer asks questions at the end of their post (like you do!).

    If I can't relate or have nothing to say, I won't post a comment. For some reason, "Great post!" just doesn't do it for me, I don't feel it has enough substance.

    I will be honest and admit I miss your face around my blog. But you have a LIFE! and super busy! Spending time with your husband definitely takes priority over commenting on blogs.

    That being said, when I'm constantly commenting on someone's blog and get no love in return, I feel a little lonely. But by no means do I expect a comment on my blog just because I commented on another. I like when my readers leave thoughtful comments. I'd rather have no comments than a billion "Nice post!" comments just so that I *might* leave a comment on their blog.

    whew! Sorry so long winded!

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  17. I don't know if that's how the commenting works. It feels like that sometimes. I read more than I comment and tend to blog less than that.

    You are going to do great in Ft. Oglethorpe, and I've heard it's a great one.

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  18. PS- guilt? Yes I know of guilt.

    Right now I feel guilty for not sticking to my gestational diabetes diet a 100%. If I have good numbers I let myself have a sweet snack. I'm working on it thought. I feel guilty b/c my actions no longer affect me but affect my baby too!

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  19. love the guilt trip photo. I had a mini guilt trip this weekend. I've been so wrapped up in virtual world- blogging, daily mile, facebook- that i've been keeping up more with virtual friends vs. friends here. all my friends went to a halloween party and didn't think twice about inviting me bc they just assumed I was out of town --- oops.

    As far as running... i've learned that you are as good or prepared as you think you are. the more you freak out, the more nervous and unprepared you'll be. YOU'VE GOT THIS?!?

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  20. I don't always comment but if I've got a little extra time in the day I leave a comment on those blogs that I read frequently.

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  21. You are so freaking amazing and awesome! I have to say I LOVE your comments but in no way do I think just because I leave you some, you should! I think you should only if you have something you want to say. It should never be expected or it just doesnt mean the same. I think we all have some guilt of some sorts and what you did is so healthy and admirable. You rock Miss Vanessa and you are going to KILL that race! :) I cant wait to hear all about it.

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  22. oh my gosh, i'm guilty of sooo many of the same things u mentioned! and it weighs me down too...but like u, we have to just chuck the baggage and know we can only do so much...cut ourselves a break sometimes...and kick guilt to the curb.

    as for ur marathon...that is so normal to be nervous before any race and question your training BUT u know what, u've put in all ur best efforts and u can't play the 'i shoulda done this' game. u are ready...and 10 days out, all u need to do now is rest and taper...oh, and turn that guilt into confidence. :)

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  23. I love that you just unloaded ;-) You must feel so free, haha. I read way more blogs that I don't comment on than I blogs that I do. And I try to only leave comments if they are meaningful in some way... hopefully people notice that and do the same but to each their own, right?! Right!

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  24. Don't feel guilty. At least you care about the things you listed and not just brushing them off. Life is too short for guilt. Or so says this harlot.

    About the comments thing... nah, some of the best comments can be something you really have nothing more to say back to, ya know?

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  26. I wouldn't feel guilty about not responding to every comment that is left for you. I read the same blogs everyday (yours included) but I only comment when I feel I have something to add to the conversation. Like others have said, I don't comment on others' blogs expecting reciprocity.

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  27. Aaah - my old friend guilt.
    I'm hoping if she's hanging out with you at the moment, she might leave me the hell alone for a minute.
    :-)

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  28. I can relate to many of these. I don't comment looking for comments in return. I comment when I feel like it, if I don't, no big deal. I went months without commenting on any blogs but still read, just depends on the day and the mood.

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  29. heeheehee, this reminds me of the 2.5 men episode I watched last night - toooo much honesty can get you into trouble ;-)

    I comment on a blog post when I've had a thought about it (good/bad/unintelligible ;-). There are blogs I read and love but don't comment, don't know why though but no guilt. I do feel guilty though if I don't get to read everyone blogs, why I don't know.

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  30. Wrong. My day is ruined without a comment from you. Proceed with your guilt.

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  31. Love this post! EFF the guilt I say!! You do the best you can with the time and knowledge and abilities you have. End of story!

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  32. I don't mind when people don't comment back, but I do LOVE comments in general, so it's great to hear from people that I read and like too, you know?

    As for your training, you're going to kill it! I was freaking out before mine too, especially since my last long run before the marathon was pathetic. It was literally awful, but I still had an amazing race! You're ready, don't worry.

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  33. Hope you feel better having written that out... definitely no more need to feel guilty!

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  34. Very good post! I love that this post (which talked about comments) has generated quite a few comments (and long ones at that) - ha!

    I'm feeling EXTREMELY guilty about not running ANY training runs for 3.5 weeks - unbelievable that it has been that long. I ran 2 half marathons during this time and work swallowed up my entire life during the month of October. I'm going for a run tonight and then I have a race on Saturday - that's 2 runs this week - that's a 200% improvement. On the right track now, baby!!!! :)

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  35. I like this post! No one is perfect, and there's no need to carry guilt! Let it out! You're not on a criminal docket, and that's something I remind myself to feel proud of everyday lmao! I'm having to tell myself the same thing- I may have missed workouts (or weeks), but I still trained. Um, we'll see if it pays off for me, but I'm sure you will do great!!!

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  36. I did wake up this morning feeling guilty about something I hadn't taken care of before leaving work but I've gotten a lot better about not worrying about the little things. A lot of times I think we are our own worst critics! As far as comments I think some people do treat it that way but I too read blogs sometimes and don't leave a comment, not really sure why but I still enjoy reading them!

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  37. I feel guilty that I don't have a career and as a mother it's multiplied by 10,000 = rough. I feel guilty that I haven't run since Sunday b/c my ankle kinda hurts and I HATE the treadmill.

    Mostly I feel guilty b/c Colin does so much and I suck at life.

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  38. I am with you on the blog commenting, and keeping in touch with family/friends - I have had extreme guilt about the latter and I literally just wrote down on my "to do list" to call my sister in TX and my best friend from school...I always say "I need to do that" and then never do...I carry a lot of guilt too, which is what kind of spurred my blog post yesterday...

    Great post and way to clear the air and actually recognize what is causing the anxiety or what you are missing...

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  39. Guilt... not having told my bf about my blog. I need to just do it!

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  40. I think it's normal, especially this time of year, to feel the guilt piling up. But you can only do what you can do! Figure out what your priorities are (obv spending time with hubby is higher than blog commenting) and focus on them!

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  41. I don't comment expecting anything in return just like I don't follow someone's blog expecting them to follow mine. If you feel guilty for not commenting enough when I always see that you've posted before me when I go to comment on people's posts then all of us aren't commenting much.

    Don't worry about it and you're ready for your marathon!!! Trust your training!!!

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  42. Great post Vanessa! I think the marathon guilt you are feeling is 100% common. Everyone feels this way right before a big race. Just trust in your training and enjoy the experience. About blog commenting I feel the same way. I read lots of blogs but sometimes dont comment (either at work and not logging in or just don't have anything beneficial to add) and I think it is 100% okay.

    Have a fabulous guilt free day. :)

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  43. I feel guilty about not leaving comments too. I've been so bad at it lately. Where does my time go!?! I love to leisurely catch up on blogs and leave thoughtful comments....I just need an extra 2 hours in my day....

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  44. Wow. This post makes ME feel better because I feel guilty about the EXACT SAME THINGS. I work from home too and so does my husband. We never see each other.....how is that even possible? Well it is. After work I also, go to yoga, blog etc. My husband give me crap ALL THE TIME. We could seriously be living parallel lives.

    As far as blog comments go....don't sweat it. Be authentic. If you don't want to comment....don't. If you do......do. Obligatory commenting SUCKS! HAHA..

    xo
    Sarah
    Get Up & Go

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  45. LOVE that you put it all out there! Hopefully that gets it off your back! I agree with many of yours. Sometimes I feel like I barely get any time with my husband, or the time we do get, we are both exhausted from work and we just zone out in front of the TV. I experience horrible work guilt - my lesson wasn't good enough, this kid didn't make enough progress, etc, etc. As far as the comments, to be honest, I have gotten that impression from some bloggers! Obviously not you, or any of my blog friends, but I've noticed that some blogs I slacked off on commenting never returned to mine. But, I totally understand - like you said, sometimes you just have nothing to add!

    Now go relax, guilt free!

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  46. I carry guilt too, and it's a pain in the a**! Lately it's because I've been exhausted (8 weeks pregnant) and so I let my 4 yr old stepson watch TV so that I can get in a rest. I always try to limit it to 1/2 hr, but it still weighs on me.

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  47. i can totally relate to your process of letting guilt build up. often i notice the "feeling" first and then later realize cognitive...oh no...what do i feel guilty about!?! and then it ends up being about 100 things.

    you have DEFINITELY put in the work for the marathon and the guilt you are feeling there is totally normal! you are ready. totally ready. so do not worry!

    blogging. omg. i feel so much guilt there. i WANT to read every single post by everyone. i WANT to comment. i want to post all the time. but i just cant. i dont have the time and i get burnt out that way. its not fun any more. i have to realize that others understand and have lives TOO.

    running. my biggest guilt is feeling like i put running before my school work, etc. which sometimes i do. but lately i have realized that it is an important part of my day that i am not willing to give up. plus i work better after having run. so i just need to manage my day better :) and actually be productive during my work times!

    good post friend!

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  48. definitely very easy to play guilt trips when we have such high expectations of ourselves. Mine is totally surrounding not doing enough to progress my writing...so like you i'm making plans and doing one thing a day

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  49. I am the same way with commenting, I read tons of blogs too but if I don't have anything to add then I don't comment. I don't get offended if people don't comment on my blog...it's hard to comment on everyone's blog and everyone should understand that.
    I know what you mean about feeling guilty about stuff...I am always feeling like there is something I haven't done or should be doing, but it's life and it gets in the way. So there it is lol But sometimes its good to get it off your chest sometimes!

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  50. Oh my God, I'm so glad you wrote about this! I have absolutely ZERO time to comment on people's blogs, which is why I love Facebook to do quick "like"s and such. Of course I try to keep up with one of my faves, though! :)
    I feel guilty too because people are so good with their blogs and comments, and I feel douchey to not be able to give the same compliments and time to others.
    You will rock the marathon- you are such a champ. I can't wait to read about it- I promise I'll comment :)

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  51. Don't feel guilty about your training!! Youve put in the work, the hay is in the barn. :) let the race be a celebration of your hard work for the past few months!

    Sometimes I feel guilty when I don't comment. I read blogs, but lately haven't been commenting much because of the lack of 3G network when I'm away from my place. I just need to remember the reasons I originally created my blog- to document my running and life in a way that was easy to share with my out of state family. The friends I've made online are just an added bonus :)

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  52. I live away from my entire family and keeping in touch is tough! A lot of times I will have a section of my emails that I will copy/paste to everyone and then add my own little personal touch to each one. Makes it a lot easier!

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