Want to know what it would be like if I actually posted how I felt on those bad days?
Hey guys. Slept in this morning. No reason - just didn't feel like getting out of bed. Couldn't be bothered to make breakfast, but got hungry after an hour and ate 1/2 pound of chocolate. Started watching Shahs of Sunset. Surprisingly entertaining, but felt brain cells dying so cracked open a book. Read nonstop for 7 hours while eating. I am always impressed by my ability to eat and read at the same time. Skills.
Unfortunately, I'm afraid those kind of posts aren't super entertaining, so I avoid them. But I'm about to get real on your asses, people. I have a really hard time with birthdays, holidays...celebrations in general. I build them up in my mind and look forward to them for a long time and when they arrive, they don't always meet my expectations.
Easter was one of those days. I am used to having family on holidays, so without them I get sad. Although Tim is fantastic and does a lot to cheer me up, I still feel really down at times. Maybe some of you will read this and think I need to get a grip because my life is freaking easy. Well, I agree. But when you struggle with depression it's hard to wrap your mind around that.
|Depressing Post? Here's a picture of a cat in a laundry basket. I dare you not to smile.|
There are plenty of ways people deal with depression in their own style. Some people eat (GUILTY!), some people drink (guilty) some people exercise (less guilty) and some people claim that getting dressed and leaving the house is a step in the right direction (easier said than done). One of the ways I deal with it is reading. Escapist literature helps me to focus on anything else besides my own life and whatever is getting me down.
Oddly enough, the books I choose are typically horrible depressing. Perhaps something about them reminds me that life could always be worse? That might explain my affinity for Thomas Hardy. Today I tackled two books that are personal favorites but never get old.
The first was Grass Soup, by Zhang Xianliang, which is a biographical account of a rightist sent to a Chinese labor reform camp in 1958. It's an incredibly honest piece about human nature in the depths of starvation and illness. Plus, even when I feel crappy I have to admit my house is no gulag, and that always makes me feel better.
Next up was something depressing but witty - Candide, by Voltaire. The best way I can think to describe it as intelligent internet trolling from the eighteenth century. Voltaire makes fun of popular philosophy and religion of his time in a hysterical but thought provoking way. Although at the root of the story is the obliteration of optimism, he still manages to keep readers smirking.
If all else fails and I'm still having a bad day, I play with cats. Love love love.
Do you think your blog/Facebook statuses/Twitter updates accurately describes your moods?
While I'm not lying on social media, I just avoid it when I'm having a rough time. I'd rather avoid it entirely them try to be happy through it.
What's the last book you read? Your favorite? The next one on your to-read list?
Favorite is probably A Tree Grows in Brooklyn or Far From the Madding Crowd. Next up - I just ordered the Makioka Sisters online. I've read it but not in several years so I can't wait to re-read it.