Thursday, April 12, 2012

That's Just Awkward for Everyone

If I could get a round of applause for finishing my taxes last night, I would really appreciate it. I'm just really proud that I wasn't on the phone begging for an extension. I don't think "My dog ate my 1099 forms" works with the IRS, does it? While filling everything out I came across my absolute favorite question of the day. Read this:


The question is innocent enough - "Do You Have Children?" My problem lies in the important little addition below that: "If you're not sure..."

WHAT? People of America, if you are filling out your tax returns and "aren't sure" whether you have kids, you have serious problems. Does that happen often enough that Turbo Tax really needs to put a little disclaimer? REALLY?

Source

Awkward questions like that remind me of the ONE time I tried to give blood, back when I was in college. I'm petrified of needles but I decided I would deal with the anxiety to be a good person. (Yeah, I don't know what got into me either) Well, it turns out they don't really like my blood after all. Harumph. Being born in Africa makes them super suspicious. This was the exchange:

"So you were born in Africa?"
"Yes, and lived there until I was 5."
"Ok. Did you ever have sex in exchange for money while you were there?"
"I LEFT WHEN I WAS FIVE."
"Please answer the question."
"No, I didn't have sex for money when I was a toddler in Africa."
"Great, thanks. Did you ever have sex in exchange for drugs?"

After several super fun questions like that, they rejected my blood after all. (Spending too much time in England - fear of Mad Cow Disease.) I have to admit I was partially relieved and now I have a built-in excuse every time someone asks me to donate blood. I WOULD, but they won't take it. 


Are you one of the over-achievers who finishes their taxes months early or do you leave it to the last second?
Well, not the absolute last second, but let's just say I like to procrastinate. A lot.

Have you ever given blood?
I haven't, no. But - just because I joked about it here doesn't mean I don't realize how important it is! Thanks if you have.

40 comments:

  1. I thought mad cow disease was only translated through nervous tissue?

    One time I donated blood, and the nurse didn't know how to put the needle in, so the vein she picked (a tiny vein) dried up after the bag was 3/4 of the way full and I had been sitting there for 45 minutes. After moving the needle around under my skin very painfully for a while with no luck, they said "Oh, we're sorry, but we're going to have to throw this away. We have to get a full pint, and we can't remove the needle once it has started."

    Never. been. so. mad.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You KNOW about my blood problems. : ) I can't believe they have to get you to say EXACTLY "yes" or "no" to those questions. Actually, probably a good precaution, but still... a little crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I file my taxes as soon as I have all of the forms, otherwise it's like this insane stressor that drives me crazy. Also, it means I get my return WAY faster.

    I used to give blood all the time. I actually have a 2gallon pin because I've given so much. I've stopped recently, though, because it means I have to take time off from running and I'm a loser who refuses to take consecutive days off.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My taxes have been done for a good while, but when I owe I wait until the last second to pay. I'd prefer my money earn interest for me as long as possible!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Taxes were done when I got all the paperwork. Money's been received and spent already. Ta-dah!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I netfile my taxes online and it's super easy so yes, I do it earlier rather than later - but it's more so when I think of it. I can't imagine having my own business and doing it. I'd never have enough. lol As I suck at saving.

    I can't give blood either. Too low in iron ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haven't you ever seen Maury? It's totally possible to have a maybe kid.

    They won't take my husband's blood either because he grew up in Africa and Europe too. He doesn't mind though :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. My dad is an accountant so we get our taxes done super early and quickly and for FREE! Yahoo!

    Wanna hear a dirty secret? I keep my weight down specifically as an excuse to not give blood. haha not really, but I am terrified of needles so it is a good excuse. :) My husband has given blood twice and both times he was run down and feeling super sick for the next month. So weird.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I just gave blood for the first time a few weeks ago (which I had put off because I have a fear of needles and the sight of blood makes me queasy). I was filling out the questions and one said "IF you are a male..." and proceeded to ask about certain sex activities or something, well I am not a male, so I passed over the question. Well apparently you still have to answer that question, even if you aren't a male! WHAT?!?! Just like my brother-in-law who donated at the same time had to answer a female question!

    I'd really hate to see the questions Turbo Tax asks to find out of you do have kids!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I used to give blood, but I seem to get anemic easily and so i quit giving blood, there were several times they rejected me because I was anemic. This was also when I was in college and may or may not have been eating crappy and drinking a lot of beer.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mad cow disease that explains a LOT!! :-) J/k but seriously those questions!?!?!! I use to give plasma in college but that doesn't count as a good deed cause I got paid for it, glad those days are over!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow, they don't think much of us Africans...!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You have legit the best stories of all time. That's awesome. I guess they just HAVE to ask, even if it's "were you having sex for drugs as a 5-year old?", right?

    I've always done my taxes mad early, because then you get a return mad early. 'Cept now I have a job that's not paid under the table and I have to pay instead of getting a return, so, pretty sure this was the last year I'm paying mad early, thanks. Jerks.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I used to donate blood several times a year until it got to the point where they didn't like the level of iron in my blood and wouldn't let me donate anyway.

    So...are you SURE you don't have any offspring?

    ReplyDelete
  15. We get our taxes done ASAP…..mainly because we want the refund check :) I can't believe those questions…..yikes!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I haven't given blood, but I've taken lots and lots of it. Thank you for the donations, people! :) (PS- I swear I'm not a vampire.)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hate getting my taxes done! Got mine in early for once. Went to a small private place that was recommended to me......All was well....till the greasy tax guy touched my bum....hmmm....not the refund I was looking for!

    ReplyDelete
  18. It is not about being an over achiever, it is out of total necessity! I complete my taxes as soon as I get my W-2s. A few years ago I did my taxes in April and unexpectedly owed $3000.00. I did not have the $ to pay it. So not I do my taxes in Jan./Feb. so "just in case" I have a little time to come up with some $. I have since taken the steps to change my withholdings but I am still gun shy about the whole thing.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yes, I have given blood. Apparently mine is the very common type (not blue at all) and they need lots of it!

    I let The Captain do our taxes now - since we moved onto the boat actually - and he does a great job and gets them done really early. Nice when you are getting a refund, cause it comes sooner.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ahhhh, I procrastinate until the absolute last second!! I have YET to get started. Shoot me now!!

    PS: huge kudos for attempting to give blood even though you're petrified of needles.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I did my taxes pretty quick but I also get a refund.

    I gave blood once in college and I remember them asking some crazy questions.
    What's funny is my fiance is a trained in emergency responce from the Army and when he had blood drawn he almost had to teach the nurse what to do cause she couldn't hit the vein right, hopefully she was just new and lucky it was him and not me I probalby would have freaked haha.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Actually, I AM unsure whether or not I have children. So I guess I should check yes? haha.

    I tried to give blood several times, but since I had always recently traveled (same thing -- England, Thailand, Africa...) they wouldn't let me do it.

    ReplyDelete
  23. i just did my taxes last night too! i meant to do them months ago and then this ridiculous fiasco happened with my old job not sending a w2 until last week and other crazines. blah. but its done

    ReplyDelete
  24. I know it's totally bizarre that the IRS asks that question but there IS a reason! It's for people who have adopted/have foster children/etc. There are actually really complicated rules about who can and can't claim a child as a dependent =)

    As for that blood donation question though...I have no words.

    ReplyDelete
  25. my cousin is an accountant and does my taxes for me. i try to get them in asap to get my $$ back! and i donate platelets now-goes towards those who are battling cancer. takes about 2-3 hours. i used to passout giving blood because i HATE needles. now i just turn my head and try and think about something else. you get to watch movies and eat while you do the platelets.

    ReplyDelete
  26. AGH, don't get me started on being from the Southern hemisphere & married to someone from the Southern hemisphere and donating blood !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Haha, my husband is South African and can't give blood. Since I have "been with someone from Africa" (um, hello, we're married), I also cannot give blood...fun times. Clearly no stereotypes about the quality of our blood.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I like to file my taxes as soon as I have all of my forms because I am always worried about having to pay! I hate needles and choose not to give blood!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I own a business, so I pay someone to do ALL my taxes. He is amazing. I would totally give him my firstborn if he wanted it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. oh man that is a hilarious exchange...

    Never given blood and I don't think they'd let me lol

    ReplyDelete
  31. umm, confession i STILL have yet to actually file my taxes...yea, if u don't ever hear from me again after the 19th it's because i'm locked up..jk. :)

    i'm such a weenie when it comes to needles, i feel bad, but no, never given blood. :(

    ReplyDelete
  32. Haha yes you are right, if you are unsure about if you have children or not then I think there are bigger problems to be solved.

    I did my taxes last month. I will admit tho that I just put everything together and then send it to a guy who has been doing my families taxes since before I was born so it is pretty darn easy.

    I give blood all the time because unfortunately I am the opposite. They really like my blood so they ALWAYS call me. It drives me nuts. I do like to give it but not every three months people. That seriously cracks me up about the sex in Africa when you were 5. That is so typical of them to be that way.

    ReplyDelete
  33. We do our taxes as soon as we can so we can get the refund.

    I gave blood once, in high school. I had a poor reaction to it (yes, I ate before), so I've been hesitant to do it again. I feel SUPER guilty because I have a semi-rarer blood type and they need it. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  34. i completely understand what you mean about all those crazy questions they ask when you want to give blood! i mean, i get it, but DANG! i used to give blood a lot, but i got turned down every other time due to low hemoglobin.

    ReplyDelete
  35. so you never answered the question for us if you had sex in exchange for drugs....

    i can't give blood either for living in europe in the late 80s for good old mad cows disease. I will say this though, I moved back to states in '91. About 3 years ago one of our neighbors we had in germany had developed mad cows disease almost 20 years after she lived there and died... so it can happen despite being dormant for years on end

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'm a fellow needle-phobe and the ONE time I also tried was with Eric and a friend when Eric and I were first dating. They denied me because I had a cough, and my friend because she'd been to Belize, and only accepted Eric. I got the hell out of there so fast after they denied me leaving my friend to sit with my new boyfriend. Never been back.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Hahah this is so so great. I'm sure there are people out there who truly aren't sure. Needles and blood terrify me too so I just don't give blood anyway. Not willingly at least. My friend Jacob went to Africa for a summer and after that they wouldn't take his blood anymore. Such a great reason NOT to, right?

    ReplyDelete
  38. The 'are you not sure' question seems funny, but then it might be those people who are divorced and have kids and they're allowed to claim their children every OTHER year.

    LOL on the whole donation questions.

    I gave blood once in high school, once in college and then I developed my illness and have been on prescription meds ever since so I don't donate any longer.

    I do LOVE everyone who donates though! One never knows when or where you'll be when you or someone you love needs blood. I've had 6 or 8 pints transfused.

    Matt Long who wrote, "The Longest Run" about being run over by a bus --he had 24 pints.

    I just read yesterday of a woman who had a blood clot disorder with her most recent pregnancy. Something went wrong AFTER delivery and she had 117 pints transfused. ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN. O__O just amazing what modern medicine can do.

    ReplyDelete
  39. OMG.
    Totally awkward questions. How weird!

    As for taxes -- I fill them out early (even the horrible California nonresident forms. bleck!!!) but I only send them in early if I'm getting a refund. If I have to pay, that check doesn't go in the mail until April!

    ReplyDelete
  40. "What does support mean?" Hilarious.

    If you've offered sex in exchange for goods from, say, your husband, does that count?

    ReplyDelete